You're more than the sum of your behaviours!

Look in the mirror. You're awesome! But do you see how awesome you really are?


Do you wish you could improve what you see? Do you look inside yourself and think 'I wish I could...' about something?


Then pay attention. Because you're about to learn something that will help you realise just how awesome you already are, and how you can become even more awesomer (it's a real word! Honest! Oh whatever I don't care..)


Anyway, back to my point...


So when you look at yourself in the mirror and feel you could improve what you see. Or you hear that voice inside saying 'I wish I could...' then you're primed and ready to do just that. Because if you're thinking and saying these things, it means that the real you, the awesomer (Ha! Said it again...) you is trying to get out.


So how do you make it happen? Easy! The same way you hid it away in the first place. One step at a time. And before I tell you how, I want to tell you something you might not know.


You were born with only two fears - Falling, and loud sounds. And you were born with reflexes, like grasping, suckling etc. There's even research that indicates that smiling is a natural instinct! And pretty much everything else you've done since has been learned. This includes your values, and beliefs. And your self-image. And the limitations you apply to yourself mentally.


The amazing thing about this is that all of those things like how you behave, how you act, how you talk and how you think are all things you've learned through the course of your life. Maybe without even realising you've learned it.


And I know you're asking 'Why is it amazing that I've learned all of these thoughts and behaviours I don't want?'. Simple - If you've learned it, you can un-learn it. And replace it with something even better.


Think of it like this. If you're someone who gets nervous about flying. Or you're scared of spiders. This isn't something that must stay the same. It's a thought that, at one point in your life, never existed. But now it does. And if it's something you don't want you can change it. Here's how...


I'll use a personal example to illustrate my point...


Throughout most of my life (from as far back as I can remember) my attitude to problems has generally been this: "Ah f*ck it! It's not worth stressing over. I'll work it out." And I did, most of the time.


But then in my early twenties things changed. Not overnight, but over the period of weeks and months. And I hadn't even noticed. Thinking back now, there wasn't even an 'incident' that started it. It just happened.


I went from having a rather laid back attitude to things to becoming stressed out by the smallest inconvenience. So little things like people coming to meetings late at work, or silly things at home like a few dishes not being tidied away (even if it was me who left them out) or things not being organised how I expected (even though I wasn't even entitled to have this expectation) put me in a sulk.


I looked and sounded miserable, sometimes frustrated. But the impact it had was that those around me could see I was 'on-one'.


At the time I hadn't even realised, I though I was behaving the way I always had. And I wasn't behaving in a way that was healthy. Quite honestly, I was horrible to be around at times. And I hadn't even realised the impact it was having on those around me. Especially those I love more than I could even express.


And at first, when pressed on being a miserable b*****d my usual response was 'no I'm not'.


But then something changed. I had one of those moments of absolute clarity that made me thing "actually, I'm taking everything in life far too seriously". I was stressing myself out about stupid things and when I sat back and thought about how I was behaving, it was both horrifying and reassuring at the same time.


Horrifying because I began to realise that I was making life miserable for those around me (I was a fully certified Mood Hoover!) but reassuring that the people who loved me still loved me - even though I was being a d*ck!


So I decided things had to change. In that moment of clarity that was it. I was going to snap my fingers and just chill again. But the reality was a little different. Because while the thoughts that drove my behaviours had changed, I was still slipping into the bad habits I'd learned. So the first few days after I'd decided I wanted to change meant I kept reminding myself to just step back and think 'What's the right behaviour right now.'


And honestly, for the first few days I felt like I was always arguing in my head. One side of me really trying to hold back the learned habits that the other kept trying to use.


But after a few days, I didn't really think about it. And whenever I think back about this time I realise that this was because I had begun to unlearn my negative behaviours and learn new habits and behaviours that were helping me live my life the way I wanted.


Does this mean I'm always a happy-go-lucky cheery character? Absolutely not. I still have moments when I'm sulking like a baby and being a mood-hoover. But I notice it quickly and keep myself in check. And I evaluate my own behaviours regularly.


Even more, my learning, experiences and qualifications that help me do the work I do now as an expert in learning, coaching and mentoring means I now understand infinitely more about how and why this happens. So I can take direct steps to address it.


Okay, and now you're probably asking 'Nice story! But what does this have to do with me?'.


And here's your answer.


Your words, actions and behaviours paint a picture of who you are. But that's not everything. And if you've ever had that moment with your thoughts, or in front of the mirror where you wanted to change. Then your words, actions and behaviours are painting a picture that is neither truly you, nor who you wish to be. And what's more - these things are something you can directly affect.


The reason this post has something to do with you is because pretty much everything you want to change about how you behave is something you've learned. Which means it's something you can un-learn. And replace with the behaviours you want.


How do you do it?

If you've decided you want to change, you've already started! You've called out your own limiting beliefs and negative behaviours.


Now changing them is about the right plan, and the right techniques to embed them. Before you know it, you'll be shocked at how easy it was.


Then the next time you look in the mirror. Or you're talking to yourself. You'll realise that you really are more than the sum of your behaviours.


And you're f**king awesome!


Want to know more?


  1. This post was written to help those people who've realised they want to change something about their behaviour.

  2. It was written for everyone who's tried time and again to live their best life, only to think it's too hard.

  3. And it was written to tell you. You're awesome! You can do it! And you can be even awesomer! (BOOM! Hat-trick!)

  4. Start living your life your own way now! And if you want to know more about how life can be made easier for you, or you need help along the way - get in touch andy@alscoaching.com


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